Billy’s being a bit of a dick. But he’s only nine. Life fact #42: Nine year-olds can be dicks. It’s not even that Billy is going out of his way to be one – he’s genuinely ignorant of how valuable a clean set of gnashers will be for his future goals of getting laid, making a good impression in job interviews and being able to tackle a piece of toast when he’s north of 85. Ergo, he is also ignorant of how valuable a decent oral hygiene routine can be. Fucking Billy. What a dick.
Use your paltry imagination at full blast:
Picture it. You’ve invested 20 000 of your own bucks into a project, i.e. the sum total of your life savings. You have a dream to be a respected director of film-noir, an alleged heroin dabbler and the owner of sprawling, garish mansions in LA, Barthelona and Buenoth Aireth. Right now though, you’re a broke nobody - hungry and desperate. But this project could be your big break. Sure, it’s not exactly what you had in mind. It’s not even an option you considered. But everyone has to start somewhere. Maybe this will make you a little bit of money, maybe enough to cover rent for the next six months while you work on your screenplay that sits somewhere between Brick, Strangers on a Train and Scarface (the 1932 version, naturally). But your hope is muted. You are, after all, directing the closing scene of your first movie: There’s Something Inside Mary, Part 3. Yup, porn. Nice one, fucktard. Great plan. And, as you call Action in a shameful bleat, hoping to bring the project to a conclusion, your male lead, Jack Hammer, turns to you and gestures helplessly. Aye captain, bad news. The main-mast is down. Your heart sinks. You’re over budget, it’s already 10 at night and you can’t afford to call the crew in for another day of shooting.
So, you cretins. Have appreciation for the vital, invisible cogs that keep our lives a-turning. Brush your teeth, lap your hones and always, always remember to thank your fluffers.