1. Choose a shaving soap. Pick one that gets decent reviews and don’t balk at the price. Swan birthing doesn’t come cheap. But don’t fret yourself too much – it’ll last a while.
2. Grasp thy already wetted shaving brush (yes, we’ll get to brushes in a few posts’ time. Calm the fuck down) and give it a firm squeeze. Wink sensuously while performing the firm squeeze.
3. Press the bristles against the soap for about 10 seconds. Then start swirling it – madly, passionately - until it starts to froth. Keep going for another 15 seconds or so. The brush is now loaded. Ca-fucking-Ching!
4. Start smushing the brush inside an oversized mug or soup bowl. Add a couple of drops of water every now and then.
5. After about a minute you should have a pile of slick, soft and mouth-watering shaving cream.
6. Rub that shit all over your beard. All up in there.
7. Shave smugly.
8. Mirror-five yourself.